Why I am a sh***y mom

Are you a shitty mom? I am and you probably are too because that makes me feel better. Bear with me here. Here is a list of why I am a shitty mom and if you do any of these things, you are a shitty mom as well.

1. We don't follow a strict schedule. 
Let's be honest here. My husband does not have a standard 9-5 job so we try to get any time together that we can. Sometimes that includes letting our 2 year old stay up late so she can play with dad. Her bed time ranges from 7:30 to 9 depending on how long her nap was or just how much she generally being an asshole. That brings me to number 2.

2. I call my child an asshole. She can be and don't try to think your own is always a perfect angel. I don't think she is an asshole on purpose but when you have a little spastic person that does not speak english that freaks out and throws whatever is in her path when you don't know she is trying to say popsicle when she is actually fopiple, then yes she is an asshole. My brother coined the term "sasquatch" for her because she is super sassy and sass-hole isn't a good word for a toddler learning to talk and only says the last part of new words...

3. I don't understand all the weird in's and out's of daycare. I just picked her up today and apparently 2 year olds celebrate Valentines Day??? Did you know that because I didn't and we were those weird parents that did not bring any Valentines for the other kids, but she had a paper bag full of candy and chocolate. 

4. Her favorite show? South Park....that is all

Want to know something else? I am also a great mom and I am not afraid to say it. You can be a shitty mom but you can also be a great mom at the same time. 
In regards to the items I said previously:
1. Yes we don't follow a strict schedule, but we make damn sure that one of us is putting her to bed. It took 2 years and change before she had her first babysitter and same goes for our first vacation without her. We love hanging out with her so much that we are willing to sacrifice a strict schedule to be able to spend time with her.

2. I may call my child an asshole (never in front of her btw), but I feel like that means that I am realistic and I don't think that my child is the gifted genius from the heavens that can do no wrong. She is not coddled and we don't cater to her every whim. Freaks out can be teachable moments if you are patient enough. 

3. I don't really know how this can be justified other than I am a first time parent and my husband drops her off and I pick her up and we don't really communicate with her daycare regularly because we are in and out of there. 

4. No excuse for this other than we jokingly say she was born with South Park on the TV in the hospital (which is true) and so it is in her soul to love it. She does also love Wallykazaam, Bubble Guppies, and Doc McStuffins and she actually learns shit from those shows. Whichever show taught her about blowing her nose can pay our bill for kleenex...you mother effers. 

The main reason why I think a blog post like this could be helpful for a new parent is so they can know that there is no such thing as a perfect parent. Say what?! I know...shocked me too because I thought I was a perfect parent at first as well. Just get over it early on and you will feel so much more free. You are a parent, but you are also human and have good days and bad days. Do the best that you can and take each day one at a time and for god sake just live in the moment. 

The other reason that this could be helpful is when  you are judging that parent in the grocery store that is doing the exact opposite of what you would do in that same situation and you think they are the lazy parent or the pacifying parent. Just wait until you are having a bad day but still have to take a 2 year old with no nap to the grocery store and you have to bake cookies for something so you have no choice but to go down the baking aisle. I dare ya....

As long as they are safe and you are not a shitty parent in the sense of not buckling their car seat or letting your kids play in a busy road, I think you are good to go. 

French Toast Sticks

Do you want some this? NO
Do you want to have a sandwich? NO
Do you want to try some banana? NO
....This was almost every meal time once Inga was around 18+ months. 
Once your child starts to eat real meals and doesn't live off of random shit thrown in front of them it can be a bit jarring. I know, for me, it was a bit of a transition between that time when I just let her "play" with her food and gave her lots of choices, to switching to giving her real food that really she needed to start eating. 
I don't think that Inga is all that picky in comparison to other kids, but I do think she has her quirks. She still is not a big meat eater, other than some chicken tenders and the classic summer sausage. She has recently started to venture in the realm of fish. Whoa now...settle down there miss foodie. 
Since we still make her meals for daycare, I needed to try and come with meal ideas for her so that the daycare still thought I was a good mom that didn't just give my child the same thing every time she went. I am sure they already find me to be an inconvenience since she is the only child in the toddler room that doesn't eat what the daycare serves. 
I saw a recipe for French Toasts sticks in Pinterest a while back and I thought I would try it. The hard part with Pinterest is that there are no reviews for these recipes and I wasn't really in the mood for a "nailed it" moment. I looked up recipes for french toast with good reviews and used that recipe instead. 
It isn't all that complicated and if you make french toast regularly then you pretty much got it covered. This post is moreso just to give an idea of a food item that you can make that you know what the hell is in it that you can feed your little nugget. 

I use about 7 slices of white bread - sue me - You could use the wheat bread, but the wheat bread we buy has seeds all over it and she was not having those. 
Milk 2/3 cup
Vanilla 1 teaspoon
2 Eggs
Cinnamon to taste
Powdered Sugar to taste

When I make the mixture, I just use the vanilla, eggs, and milk. Cinnamon does not mix with just liquids and what you will find is that the first slice you make would be like the Youtube Cinnamon challenge if you tried to mix the cinnamon. 
I dip the slices in the mixture and put them in the pan and then I sprinkle the powdered sugar and cinnamon on the slice. Works pretty slick that way. I use the powdered sugar as just a little bit more sweetness to entice the monster to feed. 


My monster isn't too keen on the crust and so after I make them and they are cooled, I get to enjoy a bit of the fruits of my labor by cutting and eating the crusts. Then I cut them into 3-4 strips and put them in a ziplock bag and freeze. Done and done. 

Welcome Your Toddler into the Kitchen!

This isn't a huge DIY project but for anybody else that is currently dealing with the pick me up pick me up stage this could be helpful in being able to retain your sanity in the kitchen. 
I guess you could call it a toddler proof step stool. 

Materials:
IKEA step stool
2 - 1" x 3" board cut to 9 1/4"
1 - 1" x 3" board cut to 16"
4 - square 2" x 2" dowels cut to 17" (this can be changed based on how high your counter is. Doing it again I would actually do 18 inches so her little digits don't get caught between the counter and the stool). 
8 - 1 1/2" wood screws
4 - 1 3/4" wood screws
Whatever color paint you want - the glossier the easier to clean

I bought select pine boards from Home Depot as I thought that would retain shape from dings better than the common board pine they have. 

I apologize that I do not have the full process of putting it together but it is pretty self explanatory. We had to work a little bit backwards as we already had the stepstool from IKEA for a while but the joy of IKEA furniture is that you can take it apart!
I found one of the gazillion allen wrenches in my drawer (I have put a lot of IKEA furniture together...I mean a lot) and took the top step off the body. I then screwed the square dowels up through the bottom of the step so the screws will be hidden when  you reconnect the top. If you want the step to go back on the stool flat you will need to counter sink the screw hole so that the screw does not stick out. 

From there we screwed the side 9 1/4" inch boards into the dowels. You might need to two for this to spread the dowels so the boards are flush with the dowel edges. Once you do that you can push or pull in the sides to connect the front board. Easy as that!

Inga loved it from the get go and immediately learned how to sit down and crawl out of it. I have seen others where they put a dowel in the back as a brace....meh seems like a lot of extra work and she hasn't freaked out and frantically fallen backwards...

Since our step stool was already black, painting it was not really something I was all that excited about. When I went to buy the boards I checked the oops paint and what the hell, there is a black...ish semi-gloss paint for $2. Psch sold *throws money* TAKE MY MONEY!
Because the select pine boards are much better quality they have much sharper edges and corners so I just took a medium grit piece of sandpaper to it. Took about 5 minutes. 

All in all this cost:
$15 for IKEA step stool
$15 for Select pine boards (I bought one square dowel and one 1" x 3" board)
$2 Oops paint

Way cheaper than those crazy $100+ Montessori ones. 

Exclusive Pumpers: Never Give Up! Never Surrender!

Breastfeeding can be hard. Exclusively pumping can be hard. I get it. But try...just try. I am sure that you wouldn't be reading the blog if you weren't planning on trying or did and you get high fives!
I pumped for 13 months and I will say that I am extremely proud of myself. I breastfed for the first month but we were just having issues latching on and I was pumping at the same time to get my supply going and pumping just kind of took over. It was also nice so then my husband could feed her, which he loved.
These are some of the tips or advice that seemed to help me get the best out of my pumping. These may not work for you since every boobie is different. 

1. Make sure you have the right size flange. 
This is a huge one that will DESTROY your pumping experience and I am convinced this causes a lot of moms to stop. I used the flanges that came with my pump and they ended up being too small....YEEOOOUCCH! They don't cost a lot of money and I bought mine on Amazon, but try to get another size up. You can google breast pump flanges and see how they are supposed to fit properly.

2. Pump Often.  
Your fun bags are actually extremely smart, which seems a bit oxymoronic. They know that if you breastfeed or pump a lot, that they need to start producing more. If you start breastfeeding first like I did, you should always try to pump afterwards to make sure that all of the milk is out. Your jubblies will only product what they emptied so if you don't empty them, they won't produce as much the next time. The instructions even say in the pump to continue to pump after the last drop for about 5 minutes and I think that is why I ended up producing so much and ultimately allowed me to get away with only having to pump 3-4 times a day. I started out pumping at least 6-7 times a day until about 10 weeks and then slowly started to do fewer pumps but longer sessions to readjust the jugs to my upcoming work environment. 

3. Take supplements if you have to.  
There is no shame in taking herbs or making lactation cookies to help your supply. I got sick at about 9 months and had to take a Z-pack. Even though the doctor said it wouldn't affect my supply, it definitely did. I went down about 6-7 ounces each day, which is a lot if you don't have a huge stash in the freezer. Fenugreek is extremely helpful as well as these supplements that have a little bit of everything. Mother's Love Supplements have lots of different herbs that definitely helped to maintain my current supply and not let it dwindle. I ultimately did add another session to my day. Lactation cookies work great as long as the recipe has the 3 main ingredients: oats, brewers yeast, and flax. Unfortunately the recipe that I originally followed had like a cup of ground flax. My stomach churned the rest of the day anytime I ate those, but they did certainly work. That is the only reason why I am not posting a recipe. Just search Google and you will find a lot. 

4. Replace the white membranes often.  
These are the little white flaps that...well flap...inside the bottle to drop the milk in. If they get washed to hard or generally worn out they don't provide a proper seal and decrease the amount of suction necessary. These little effers are dirt cheap and you can buy a large amount of them to have in your bag for when you need them. 

5. Wash your pieces carefully. 
I'll be honest, I hated washing my breast pump pieces. Breast milk is very oily and sticks to everything and you always need to devote a good amount of attention to give them a deep cleaning. I did find that the little brush that comes with the Dr. Brown bottles is EXTREMELY handy when cleaning the main part. It just fits perfectly and bends around in the little crevices. 
The one piece of advice that I found saves you so much headache....DON'T WASH THE TUBING! For crying out loud....no milk comes in contact with the tubing and when you put water within the tubing, it is near impossible to get all the water out and therefore it can get into the motor and mold. Yes..mold. It even says in the manuals that washing the tubing is not necessary. If you were researching pumps like me, and lots of reviews say they hated the pump, because water got in there and it molded, it is their own damn fault. They are the dumb reviewers that put I hate this product because the person shipping it didn't wrap it nice enough.....what? 

Some perks to pumping?
- Most to all insurances cover really nice pump for free
- You legally get breaks at work to pump. Some mothers complain that their workplace is not very nice about them pumping or they make it difficult. It is your right so stand up for yourself. If they make you feel ashamed, don't. It is their own damn insecurities and they should be ashamed themselves. 
- It's free! Woop Woop!
- For an introvert like myself...it's your "Get out of Jail Free" card to not have to socialize or leave places early. 

What were some tips that got you through pumping or what are some perks of pumping for you?

Child proofing doesn't have to be ugly

I am sure one of things that many parents dread is the absolute hideousness (yup making it a word) of  child proofing. Putting those weird covers on the door handles, giant air mattresses around your pointy furniture, and gates at every corner that just seek out stubbing your toes and laughing maniacally as you hobble away...or fall down the stairs. 
Every single one of your lovely decorative items has been hoarded away into a cupboard that of course you are unable to get into without a key fob, key pad number and retina scan to open. 
It doesn't have to be like that. Child proofing does not have to be ugly or make your home look like you are crazy. 
We were a bit slack on the whole child proofing thing. We just put some covers on a couple outlets, which now we can't seem to remove (thanks IKEA) without a screwdriver. I wonder what the swedish words for Adult proof are...maybe that is the name of these covers.  Otherwise our child proofing consists of moving the dog's water bowl and putting a couple blockers in the bottom drawers. I am sure when she starts walking around on her own that we will need to put the locks on some other cupboards but until then we will just keep an eye on her. 
One of the pieces of furniture that I was worried about from the get-go was our coffee table.
It is a sharp pointy death trap of corners. We tried putting some of those little corner covers on it, but I think I knocked it off almost every time I stood up so that was not going to work. It also has drawers on the side. That and it looked like our table had weird deformities on it. I thought there had to be a better way right? Off to Pinterest!

Searching....child proofing....really? Why not just get rid of the coffee table if this is the result. 

Hmmm what about buying an ottoman instead....$250?! Shut the front door...no!
For that price I can make my own ottoman....wait..what? I could totally make my own ottoman! I made my own tufted headboard. I could totally do that, right?
Searching....DIY coffee table ottoman....hmmm seems like lots of cutting and gluing and nailing...ain't nobody got time for that.
What if.....I just made a cover for the coffee table and then removed it when she wasn't a hazard to herself anymore? 
Searching....removable coffee table cover....really didn't find anything other than a slip cover, which really wasn't what I was looking for. I needed to add some cushion to the corners. Looks like I get to be a Pinterest Pioneer and be the first. 
I decided that I was going to make a box to lay over the top part of the coffee table and then cover it. 
Here are the steps I took:

First thing is that I measure the coffee table each side and the top so I knew how big I had to get the boards. I planned on getting peg board if I decided to be a masochist and do tufting. I knew that peg board was flimsy that I had to get wood to put in the corners to hold it a bit more stable so that was going to require that I add a few inches to each piece of the wood to compensate and have it still lay over the top of the coffee table. 
Went to Home Depot and found a big sheet of peg board and had the guy cut all the pieces for me there! It was 7 cuts and he didn't even charge me the $.25 per extra cut. So much easier that trying to it myself. Can't even imagine how much time that saved me. I am not a big power tool gal ironically.

My Project Manager in the back was making sure I got all the items on the list.....

Peg Board $13

Wood dowel $3 - cut that at home easily with a hand saw. 

Once I got home I found some screws and a screw driver and started putting it together. 

This really did not need to be perfect at all as the entire thing was going to be covered in foam anyways. And the peg board already had some nice holes for me to work with. I hadn't screwed the top piece on yet so it looks really wonky but once it was all screwed together it was pretty straight. 

I found some zip ties in the garage just to put along the edges to put them together since, like I said before, peg board is pretty flimsy and just needed some stability. 

The second part I did need a bit of help just to get it as smooth as possible. 4 hands were better than 2 for this part. 

I bought 2  Mattress toppers from Wal-mart for about $11 a piece. We stapled each other individually over the frame and took care to make sure the corners were extra squishy. 

Then I bought some quilt batting from Wal-mart as well for about $9 and wrapped that around to make it smooth. We stapled this as well and had to fold it a little bit in the corners. 

Then in typical Heisick fashion we only finished half the project and left it without a cover for about 3 weeks....Inga really loved pulling on the quilt batting. 

My mom is a sewing phenom, so she offered to help make the cover for it rather than just stapling the cover over it to make it more permanent. I don't like permanent....especially with an almost one year old and bulldog. 

She said we would make a slipcover with some elastic with a hem. 

Basically the day ended up being my mom making the whole slip cover and I just watching the babes cruise around. 

We followed the steps for this cover here

After we (mom) did that, I had to put the elastic all the way through the hem. We fitted it over the top and pulled as hard as we could and tied it tight. 

Here is the finished product!

The cover is super lightweight and can easily be pulled up and removed the take off the cover and it is super soft.  Inga won't stop cruising around it. 

The fabric we got was Sunbrella outdoor water repellent fabric so it will hold up nicely. 

All in all, the entire project cost me around $65 and maybe a total of 3 hours to do the entire thing (not including our 3 week procrastination).

Once she is able to walk around and not look like a little drunk human we can remove it if we want....although we both really like it and might not. 

Let me know what you think!

So you want to be a Pinterest Parent?...Nailed it!

You know what I am talking about. Those Pinterest posts regarding babies and nurseries that are just so effin' cute, you can hardly help but wish you could be their child. 
Pinterest can be an amazing place for those pregnant days when you can't stop thinking about babies and you have made the decision that you are going to be the "quirky crafty mom". It can also set a standard that nearly no mother can feasibly meet. I can't even tell you how many hours were used up scrolling through to get the most perfect inspiration picture of how I wanted Inga's bedroom to look. 

Like I said, Pinterest can be a blessing and a curse. It is entirely up to you how dedicated you want to be to become that Pinterest parent you so desperately desired to be in the early months. I took the leap to become that Pinterest Parent initially by purchasing my first chevron fabric. I think that is when you can safely say you are addicted to Pinterest. Do you have chevron in every room? 
But now that she is actually here I shake my head at some of the ideas Pinterest puts in the head of first time mothers. 

Sometimes you get your "Nailed it" moments where you just can't understand why your Christmas picture just won't look like the one you pinned. But then you get moments of sheer gloriousness when you swear that the photos you framed above her crib could be in Better Homes and Gardens. It's that damn awesome. You need to be willing to take the good with the bad and remember that it is ultimately going to be a bedroom for a CHILD. So don't be spending a buttload of money on something that is purely visual or something that will break if you look at it funny. 

For example, one of my projects was to make a mobile for above her bed. I hated the ones from the store because I just couldn't find one that worked for my "vision". I kept seeing these adorable bird mobiles on Etsy and Pinterest and I thought that $350 was a bit steep for some branches and fabric birds. I figured I could make one of those myself with some FREE sticks from outside. Who knew branches were free. I bought some birds from Crafts Direct for $10 and stole some really high test fishing line from my tackle box. It was cake to put together but then I felt like an idiot for about an hour shifting the fishing line a millimeter at a time until it was level. Looking back now 3 months, it is an adorable mobile for her room and it looks great on Pinterest but I still went to Target and got a $10 musical mobile that she actually looks at instead. That and the dog barks every time that "epic" mobile even moves. 

I didn't really have many other projects for her so much as I had designing left to do. The area that I really wanted to get right was the changing table. I knew I wanted the IKEA Hemnes dresser because I am over 6 feet tall and it is the perfect height. It is also the dresser that pretty much every Pinterest changing table picture uses. I also knew I wanted to repurpose a wood crate from our wedding for her room and I thought that using it as a shelf would work great. I found some pins of others using the same crate in bathrooms for towels so I thought it would look pretty cool. And it did! It is great to have out so we don't have to open a drawer to get out a diaper. That crate was definitely a successful Pinterest Nailed it moment!

When the entire room was finished, I was rather pleased with myself. It definitely felt Pinterest worthy at that point. When you have a "vision" of how you want something to look, there is always going to be a time where it doesn't turn out that way. That happens to me a lot. I guess I have delusions of grandeur a bit. Inga's room actually turned out exactly how I wanted it to look. Since the pictures I am posting, I have made a few additions. I have added a cube bookshelf next to her chair for all the baby books I had when I was in school for teaching. 

The door is like a hundred years old and came from the first house from my family when they moved to Minnesota so it has some sentimental value. I also thought it added to the "Shabby Chic" Pinterest requirement. I have noticed that almost every Nursery Pinterest pin has some item that really contributes nothing to the room other than making it look extravagant. But I suppose that is design, right? When she gets older I will probably put some hooks on it for coats. But more than likely it will just become in the way and will have to leave. 
You can also see how pretty, yet pointless that mobile is. 

I bought the ottoman at Wal-mart for $15 and painted it purple with fabric paint. This was a half-ass Pinterest fail as the fabric is now sticky and shiny. But it would require us to sit in that chair in order for me to be annoyed enough with it. 

So ultimately Pinterest can be used as a tool for good and evil. It is good for inspiration and something to help make the pregnancy go by a bit faster. It is also evil for all those times when you know you should be working and you keep saying to yourself, "When I get to the bottom of the page, I will get back to work."......but the bottom never comes. 

Comment on what are some of the Pinterest pins you tried and failed gloriously at and what are some that worked great for you.