Why I am a sh***y mom

Are you a shitty mom? I am and you probably are too because that makes me feel better. Bear with me here. Here is a list of why I am a shitty mom and if you do any of these things, you are a shitty mom as well.

1. We don't follow a strict schedule. 
Let's be honest here. My husband does not have a standard 9-5 job so we try to get any time together that we can. Sometimes that includes letting our 2 year old stay up late so she can play with dad. Her bed time ranges from 7:30 to 9 depending on how long her nap was or just how much she generally being an asshole. That brings me to number 2.

2. I call my child an asshole. She can be and don't try to think your own is always a perfect angel. I don't think she is an asshole on purpose but when you have a little spastic person that does not speak english that freaks out and throws whatever is in her path when you don't know she is trying to say popsicle when she is actually fopiple, then yes she is an asshole. My brother coined the term "sasquatch" for her because she is super sassy and sass-hole isn't a good word for a toddler learning to talk and only says the last part of new words...

3. I don't understand all the weird in's and out's of daycare. I just picked her up today and apparently 2 year olds celebrate Valentines Day??? Did you know that because I didn't and we were those weird parents that did not bring any Valentines for the other kids, but she had a paper bag full of candy and chocolate. 

4. Her favorite show? South Park....that is all

Want to know something else? I am also a great mom and I am not afraid to say it. You can be a shitty mom but you can also be a great mom at the same time. 
In regards to the items I said previously:
1. Yes we don't follow a strict schedule, but we make damn sure that one of us is putting her to bed. It took 2 years and change before she had her first babysitter and same goes for our first vacation without her. We love hanging out with her so much that we are willing to sacrifice a strict schedule to be able to spend time with her.

2. I may call my child an asshole (never in front of her btw), but I feel like that means that I am realistic and I don't think that my child is the gifted genius from the heavens that can do no wrong. She is not coddled and we don't cater to her every whim. Freaks out can be teachable moments if you are patient enough. 

3. I don't really know how this can be justified other than I am a first time parent and my husband drops her off and I pick her up and we don't really communicate with her daycare regularly because we are in and out of there. 

4. No excuse for this other than we jokingly say she was born with South Park on the TV in the hospital (which is true) and so it is in her soul to love it. She does also love Wallykazaam, Bubble Guppies, and Doc McStuffins and she actually learns shit from those shows. Whichever show taught her about blowing her nose can pay our bill for kleenex...you mother effers. 

The main reason why I think a blog post like this could be helpful for a new parent is so they can know that there is no such thing as a perfect parent. Say what?! I know...shocked me too because I thought I was a perfect parent at first as well. Just get over it early on and you will feel so much more free. You are a parent, but you are also human and have good days and bad days. Do the best that you can and take each day one at a time and for god sake just live in the moment. 

The other reason that this could be helpful is when  you are judging that parent in the grocery store that is doing the exact opposite of what you would do in that same situation and you think they are the lazy parent or the pacifying parent. Just wait until you are having a bad day but still have to take a 2 year old with no nap to the grocery store and you have to bake cookies for something so you have no choice but to go down the baking aisle. I dare ya....

As long as they are safe and you are not a shitty parent in the sense of not buckling their car seat or letting your kids play in a busy road, I think you are good to go. 

Are you Crunchy or Just Plain Crazy?

Being "crunchy" can be a good thing. You have made the decision to live a more natural lifestyle for yourself and your child. You try to keep as many chemicals away from your child that are not necessary and try to keep things more simple. It can also be completely and absolutely ridiculous. Have you ever heard of "Elimination Communication?" Oh you haven't?? Look it up. 

This post is just about Crunchy Products. I might do separate posts regarding a crunchy lifestyle with your child, but she is still a bit young. 

As I have stated in previous posts, we are fairly crunchy. I suppose you could say we are Crunch Lite. Diet Crunch. Crunch Zero. We made the decision to be crunchy because I have lots of skin sensitivities and allergies and she could possibly be the same. There was no, "Well I think this will make us better parents than you."

The main difference between a Crunchy parent and a Crazy Crunchy parent is whether or not you are willing to be realistic. A Crunchy Parent knows when convenience beats out being able to tell people that you are completely crunchy. 

There is an episode of South Park called Smug Alert where Kyle's dad buys a Prius and therefor thinks he is better than everybody else He had such a smugness about himself that he would bend over and smell his own farts. This is what Crazy Crunchy parents remind me of. They feel so pious and righteous that they chose this route and you didn't so that makes them better than you. They are what my dad and I like to call "Virtue Sluts." 

Being crunchy doesn't have to take a lot of time or money. It can be simple changes that can really make a difference. Instead of using the cheapest of something, read the ingredients and go with the better quality. Even though Johnson & Johnson is the go to brand for babies, there are many other options out there with more quality ingredients that don't break the bank. 

Johnson and Johnson Bedtime calming lotion:

Water, Mineral Oil, Glycerin, Carbomer, Phenoxyethanol, Ceteareth-6, Fragrance, Methylparaben, Sodium Citrate, Stearyl Alcohol, Ethylparaben, Propylparaben, Citric Acid, Sodium Hydroxide.

Earth Mama Angel Baby Lotion:

Aloe barbadensis (organic aloe) leaf juice extract, Olea europaea (organic olive) oil, Aspalathus linearis (organic rooibos) extract, Calendula officinalis (organic calendula)flower extract, Olivoyl hydrolyzed oat protein, Cetearyl alcohol, Glyceryl oleate, Glyceryl stearate, Kosher vegetable glycerin, Vanilla planifolia (organic vanilla) fruit extract, Butyrospermum parkii (organic shea) butter, Citrus sinensis (organic sweet orange), Xanthan gum

Wouldn't you rather put the item on your baby where you can pronounce all of the ingredients? 

We use diapers that are made with fewer chemicals, perfumes, and dyes. We use Earth's Best and Bambo diapers. Bambo was named the greenest disposable and is completely hypoallergenic. These diapers are a little bit more money than regular Huggies or Pampers, but if there is one crunchy item you could spend money on, it would be diapers. 

We wanted to use cloth diapers, but only if I was going to be a stay at home mom. We barely remember to do our own laundry so I don't see washing diapers every 2 days realistic for us. I also couldn't find a daycare around here that allowed cloth diapers

either. Think about it, those diapers are on your babies bottom 24/7 so don't you want to keep as many chemicals away from soaking into your babies skin. Disposable diapers were invented only back in 1948, so what the heck did our grandparents use? Cloth diapers. Disposable diapers are for convenience and are not required to be able to raise a baby. At least that is the way I think about it. Cloth diapers weren't for us, but that didn't mean we weren't going to try and get the next best thing. 

Another item that we wanted to be as crunchy as possible on was our wipes. You are wiping these all over their bodies so we wanted to get something fairly chemical free. We use DermaH20 Water Wipes. They are made in Ireland and they are 99.9% water. Now a very crunchy parent might use cloth wipes with either bottled water or a solution of essential oils. We had planned to use cloth wipes for when she switches to solids and her poo is more firm, but the water wipes are just so great we don't really feel the need. We use the cloth wipes we bought for when we give her a bath. Etsy is a great place to find cloth wipes, if this is a route you want to take. 

A big ticket crunchy item would be diaper cream. Desitin is like a crazy crunchy parent's nightmare. They might run away screaming if you come towards them with it. The reason they respond like this is the Zinc Oxide. The Zinc Oxide is what repels the moisture from your babies bottom therefore keeping diaper rash either at bay or resolving it. Apparently there have been studies stating that some chemicals can soak into the babies skin. It also is very hard to wash off so Crunchy parents that use cloth diapers can't use Zinc Oxide as it makes the diapers non-absorbent. 

We didn't really care about the Zinc oxide so much as just the chemicals in general. We use the Grovia Magic Stick. I mention this in my Newborn Essentials Post and I have to say that everybody that has used it mentions how ingenious it is as a product. Use it every diaper change and she is 4 months old and never had diaper rash. 

Laundry detergent is another area where you can crunchify your life. If you are concerned about allergies or if your baby has sensitive skin this would be an area to focus on. We use a biodegradable and hypoallergenic laundry soap and it actually works really well. We use Charlies Soap for all of her laundry loads. Rockin' Green is also another great laundry detergent specifically made for cloth diapers, but can be used for baby clothes in general. It is a bit more expensive and this is the detergent that a Crazy crunchy parent would say in a smug tone," Oh...you don't use Rockin' Green? That's unfortunate." 

There are also some items that you really can't go partially crunchy on. They are pretty much all or nothing. 

Breastmilk - I might do an entirely separate post on breastmilk, but this is definitely an item that is crunchtastic. I am proud pumper and I will pump until I can pump no more! Formula is not the same and those that say it is are naive. This is probably one of the few items that we are Crazy Crunchy about and don't mind saying it. 

Bottles - All bottles are legally supposed to be BPA free now so unless you want to be crazy crunchy and use like glass or steel bottles, you should be good to go. 

Clothes - Ooooh this is Organic cotton..that means it's better right? Psch I don't know but I do know an organic cotton onesie on Amazon is like $30. Ain't nobody got time for that!

Vaccines - It is entirely your prerogative on whether or not to give your child vaccines and this is quite a controversial crunchy topic. I don't have a dog in this horse race so I don't have much to say about it. All I know is that Jenny McCarthy waged a whole vaccine war using her "autistic" son who she just came out and said was never autistic...

Leave a comment on some of the items that you use that make you crunchy!

The Torment that is...Cradle Cap

Maybe torment is a strong word, but cradle cap sucks. Inga had/has a very mild case of and thank god she has lots of hair to make it not so conspicuous.
My first bit of advice is that if you feel your child might have cradle cap would be to Google it. You will feel so much better about your child's few flakes when you see what some "parents" allow their child's head to accumulate to. My husband thought that Inga's was really bad and would tell other people how terrible it was until I showed him that which is the horror of Google Images. 
Cradle cap can be a confusing issue to deal with and I was given many different conflicting responses from people on how to fix it. First I was told that it is dry skin attaching itself to her oily scalp so you should wash her hair daily. But then, my doctor said that it is basically dandruff from dry skin and I should only wash her hair twice a week at most. Well what is it?! Is it oily skin or dry skin??? I still don't really know to this day. But I do know that the steps I took to get rid of it worked like a charm and it hasn't come back. 
One of the things that I did try that just wasn't cutting it was the crazy French Mustela Stelaker Cream. By French I mean that there are like 2 words on the bottle in English. This totally satisfied my yuppy bigger is better parenting style. I mean it's French....it has to be good right? For all I know it could have been my severe cheapness by not putting enough on her scalp since it is flipping expensive or just my patience with not sticking with it. It said to put it on her overnight and then give her a bath in the morning. Instead I put it on during the day and then gave her a bath at her normal time at night. Maybe french people give baths to babies in the morning, but I don't know many moms here that do. The stuff smells like chemicals and it made her hair pretty gross looking. Anyways, it may work for you but it just wasn't really up my alley. 

The steps that I took to get rid of it spanned over about a week and I stress that Inga's was really mild so it might take a few more "treatments" for your child. This Safety 1st Grooming Kit has the two different brushes that I used on her. 


- First I would take one of her little combs from the grooming kit and when she was sleeping I would lightly drag the comb along her scalp. I would separate her hair and drag it along the flakes to loosen them. This worked better than I even anticipated since it removed almost all of the flakes. I did this randomly over a few days and she would never wake up from me doing this. That is how lightly you push that little comb back and forth. 

- The next step that I did was to be done in the bath tub. You can use any kind of oil you want, but I just used some baby oil that was sitting in the bathroom already. You could use coconut or olive oil if you are feeling flashy. I took a very small amount of oil and put it on her scalp all over and I let it sit while I washed the rest of her body and face. Now if you are as blessed as me to have your child love the bath then this will be pretty darn easy. But if you have a child that wants to vomit and scream if they even see water, you might have a bit of an ordeal on your hands. 

- After I let the oil sit for a bit, I took the bristle brush from the grooming kit I mentioned and just moved it around her head in circular motions. No need to push at all...don't need to create anymore soft spots. Once I did that I washed her hair. This part got to be a bit obnoxious. Make sure you get all the oil out of their hair unlike me! I washed her hair like I normally would and when it started to dry I noticed it was still oily so I had to wash it again on the dining room table. This could be because the soap-free shampoo that I use is not strong enough or doesn't have enough of that oil fighting power that something that is all delicious and chemically might. 
So after I washed her hair again and let it dry, all the flakes were gone and those little buggers have not been back since!

What did you do to get rid of your childs cradle cap?